05 July 2010

Panicking about Panicking

A few years ago, I self-diagnosed myself with General Anxiety Disorder. All that means, is I panic and I worry. A lot. I typically just eat healthy and stay away from caffeine and I'm fine. However, there are times where I need my meds, that my panic is too much.

Recently, I've started a disturbing/annoying trend, where I wake up with attacks the night before/morning of me leaving someone/something I don't want to. I.e: the day my family's vacation on the Outer Banks ended and I had to go back to Fayetteville. The morning I had to fly to my big's wedding, etc. I typically wake up in early hours, thinking it's time to go(2-4) and then panicking about leaving, panicking about the what ifs. My medicine isn't typically nearby, so I have to reason with myself and take lots of deep breaths.

So then last night, I'm thinking about all I'm going to do today....and I come up on a crucial one: Packing my car up again. I came home for the 4th to spend time with my family and get more of my things from my parent's house. Now, I don't want to leave.

So you say, "Well then, why leave if you don't want to? Just stay longer!"

Not an option-I have furniture being delivered Wednesday, and it's really just delaying the inevitable if I don't go back tomorrow. Plus, it's not like we don't have another visit coming up--they're coming to NC in about 2.5 weeks, and so I have to ready the house for them to visit. And C returns home shortly after that, so I really have to unpack more now. (Will be a lot easier when I have hangers and the furniture we're going to use...)

So that leads us to last night, where I was panicking about the fact that I might/probably will panic tomorrow AM before I start the 9 hour drive home. I think my plan is to have a bottle of water and a half pill of my anxiety stuff in my room with me, so that if it happens, I can take it and go back to sleep without being a zombie the rest of the day. The other blessing is that I don't really 'have' to get home at any specific time tomorrow. So if I choose to wait to leave till 10 AM, that's okay. It means I don't get home till 7 at the earliest, but it's okay.

Here's hoping for no panic and smooth sailing tomorrow.
J

1 comment:

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