Last night was the banquet for my major. I shouldn't have gone. Reasons:
a) It was a waste of $30.
b) I didn't recieve the graduation regalia I should have.(My Blue Key)
c) I was the only Senior in my major to not recieve any type of award.
All of which resulted in me leaving bitter and angry.
I don't know why, but that's been bothering me. I've been trying to think all last night and this morning what I've done to just cement them against me.. or at least not enough for me to receive anything. I work all the shows, presented on wedding planning for one of their workshops, speak kindly of them even when I don't want to, went on tour last minute because the girl who won the Best senior award couldn't, I was the chief of staff for our student government, the president of my sorority, and the secretary/treasurer for the greek honor society. I'm pretty sure I'm the only senior in my major with their scholarship in tact.
Now I know that people appreciate me, and the work I've done. and I know that I've made an impact on the university. The VP of Student affairs has said as much to me, as has the exiting University president. Yet somehow, I'm not good enough for the department. I woke up this morning feeling disappointed and inadequate, and just thinking on how I could have saved $30, and spent those 3.5 hours with my husband.
Didn't help that both of my friends at my table brought their significant others, and the other people were working the awards part of it, so I just ended up being very lonely. C had begged me to not make him go, so there goes that.
Now, I'm off to be the only senior in my major working the shows today.