01 May 2010

What a note to go out on...

Last night was the banquet for my major. I shouldn't have gone. Reasons:
a) It was a waste of $30.
b) I didn't recieve the graduation regalia I should have.(My Blue Key)
c) I was the only Senior in my major to not recieve any type of award.

All of which resulted in me leaving bitter and angry.

I don't know why, but that's been bothering me. I've been trying to think all last night and this morning what I've done to just cement them against me.. or at least not enough for me to receive anything. I work all the shows, presented on wedding planning for one of their workshops, speak kindly of them even when I don't want to, went on tour last minute because the girl who won the Best senior award couldn't, I was the chief of staff for our student government, the president of my sorority, and the secretary/treasurer for the greek honor society. I'm pretty sure I'm the only senior in my major with their scholarship in tact.

Now I know that people appreciate me, and the work I've done. and I know that I've made an impact on the university. The VP of Student affairs has said as much to me, as has the exiting University president. Yet somehow, I'm not good enough for the department.  I woke up this morning feeling disappointed and inadequate, and just thinking on how I could have saved $30, and spent those 3.5 hours with my husband.

Didn't help that both of my friends at my table brought their significant others, and the other people were working the awards part of it, so I just ended up being very lonely. C had begged me to not make him go, so there goes that.

Now, I'm off to be the only senior in my major working the shows today.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry sweetie. It's never cool when you don't get the recognition you deserve. But you know what kind of work you did. You know how it has helped you, and what you've learned. And sometimes all we've got is ourselves to pat us on the back. And we can. That's the difference between a woman who is self-aware and one who needs everyone to praise her. You know you rock. I know you rock. C knows you rock. It's possible that the department was just jealous about having to share you with AXO. pat yourself on the back and keep doin' you.


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