20 April 2010

PreD Ramble

I sent this to a friend of my Mom's. She's offered to listen to me ramble/help and just be a good person. 


I just found out Sunday that he'd be leaving,and I've felt pretty psychotic ever since. I don't know what to say or do--I feel like everything is tinged with leaving. Everytime we do something, I wonder how much more we'll get to do it before he leaves. I know it's an awful mentality to have...but it's there.

I'm angry. All told, I'll have spent about a month and a half with him as a married couple before he goes. I know this is the best way it could happen-he'll most likely be home for the big holidays. But I'm angry that I'm going to be moving into/buying a house by myself, I'm angry that he'll miss our dog being a puppy. I'm angry that I'm going through this and my brother just tells me "you knew what you were getting into". I'm angry, sad, and cautiously happy. I feel psychotic.

2 comments:

  1. Ugh I'm sorry your bro was so clueless. Yes, as an Army wife we all know that deployments happen, but getting an actual date & *knowing* when they're leaving is a completely different story. *hugs* If it helps, Pre-D was honestly one of the hardest parts for us. You don't get used to it, but you learn to deal once you can get into a routine (well, that was our experience).

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  2. Cautiously happy? Don't be cautiously happy, and don't be apprehensive. Just be happy. Enjoy being with him while he's around. Every moment you spend dreading the imminent future is time wasted not enjoying his presence.

    I could wax poetic here...
    (breathe in his after shave, memorize his hair follicles, learn to time your breathing to his)
    ...but that gets awkward really quickly because I know him and you. But you can tell where I'm going. ;-)

    Just live the moment. "No day but today."
    I think this might be the point in your life when you need to starting looking at life as a journey and not a destination. Right now, you're passing through "with my husband" land. Be 100% THERE. You have someone who loves you, who chose you, who liked it AND put a ring on it (unlike several people I could name). Don't think about "D-land" until it's here. "There's only now. There's only this...No other path, no other way..."

    I believe you that it's hard, but do your best to redirect your focus.

    <3

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