I'm jealous of people who's husbands serve their full deployment time.
I know that's a 'no-no' to say that to those whose husbands are gone, but still. I wish mine was gone the full time. I wish he had gotten to participate in JRTC and NTC. Maybe then I wouldn't feel psychotic.
Talk to most Military wives about deployments-they'll tell you they hit their stride around 2 months. About then, they started getting into the groove and everything was a little better then. And while it's never easier, you're adjusted to husband not being there, so you cope better. You leave the house. Put on makeup.
Well, my predeployment time was about a month. 2 of that was 'training', which was an 8-3 class.
The deployment? Well it's longer than that, but less that 25% of a year.
I'm just now feeling like I'm about to hit my stride, and he'll be home shortly. I feel like it's a waste of time, and is just causing C and I to fight. When I try to express feelings like this to him, he just responds that it's not about me and moves on. OF COURSE ITS NOT!!!!!!! I'm not dumb--I know that it's about the needs of the army and that it's about what they think is the best course of action.
I feel like if he'd served the full time (or at least 6 months) I'd feel justified in feeling the way I have. As it stands, I just feel crazy. It's like I've gone psycho the past months-euphoric to depressed to anxious. My anxiety has been out of control...and for no reason (in my head). It's only 2 months, in a comparitively safe area, in an office (due to his MOS). What do I have to complain about?
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It's a change. And there are so many different views on deployments (well it's not long enough to count, his MOS isn't dangerous enough to count, but he's still gone, etc etc) that it's frustrating to figure out where exactly you belong. It might not be *about* you, but it *affects* you and you have every right to feel whatever you feel. It's a crappy situation, and sometimes having an abnormal experience (time wise/etc) can make it even crappier. Especially with all you've had going on (moving, the new house, etc).
ReplyDeleteDuring a deployment, your allowed to feel anyway you want. Or don't want. However the day goes is just how it goes, and how you feel, is just that, its how you feel. Its not about you, but really its not about him either. Its about something much bigger, but at the end of the day its you, and its him, and its me, and everyone else who is going through it that has to deal with it. And if you feel psychotic one day, and fine then next then so be it. Your allow.
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